The Bone Gang Destroys Pluto
In one of the biggest news blackout in history, facts are slim, but thanks to an inside source, we can bring to light a story that only the Daily Discord would dare to print.
In case you were wondering, that giant blast of light you saw in the night sky on January 31st, wasn’t Balloon Boy flying out into space or even some of George Bush’s one thousand points of light. Instead it was the infamous Bone Gang finally ridding our solar system of its biggest threat, Pluto. Those in the know, rightly call what was once labeled as our 9th planet, Yuggoth and know that it is the home to the evil evolved fungi, the Migo. This Migo have been a plague on mankind even longer than Rush Limbah and speeding tickets.
Treating humans no better than lab rats, the Migo have been known to conduct cruel experiments, such as removing the still living brains of humans and placing them in metal cylinders. Sometimes the Migo insert their conscious into the voided skull. Many speculate that his may have happened to Sarah Palin, since no warm blooded earthling could ever conceive of ideas so foul.
Still, you might be wondering how the Bone Gang pulled off this miraculous feat. They simply disguised their space going blimp as an asteroid and after grabbing a few spare nukes from the Russian black market they were as ready to go as Ben Affleck at a free booze convention.
Since it is a matter of national security, we can’t tell you how Devo Devins managed to transport one nuke into the center of their fungus covered world of ice. Nor should we tell you how he dropped a second nuke on Cthulhu’s head when the Migo tried to summon this thing that should not be.. When can, however, tell you that Phillip Brownhurst has opened up a new chain in Cambridge Mass, which features a Cthulhu burger with a side of fungus fries.
So what is next on the Bone Gang’s agenda? This is obviously a well-kept secret, although there are rumors of a Bone for President campaign. An anarchist in the White House? It can’t be worse than what we’ve been dealing with over the last decade. There are many that would love to see America Boned. However, others have confused concern over his wishes to change our currency to read, ‘In Yig We Trust.’