John Conner Interview
John Conner Interview
Collapsing BunkerNew Mexico: I caught up to John Conner in an abandoned WWII weapons testing range. His mother, Sarah, was off hunting radioactive rabbits with a sling shot, so I was able to speak with John without her breaking my nose like last time.
John: “You know that this interview could be jeopardizing my life as well as the entire human race, right?”
Bone: “Relax, I heard that terminators only watch Fox News so I think you’ll be safe. So let’s get started before you mother shows up and kicks my ass again.”
John: “Alright, but make this quick, mom has me jogging a double marathon, practice shooting, taking out the garbage, and giving her a pedicure before noon today.
Bone: “So has Judgment Day already happened?”
John: (A long stare occurred here.) “Ah, no.”
Bone: “Will there still be beer after the apocalypse?”
John: “What? I don’t know maybe some. I doubt it will be easy to get though.”
Bone: “That sucks. Will it be easier to get chicks into bed? You know you could do the whole, ‘we’re both about to die anyway, baby,’ thing.”
John: “I don’t know, maybe. But since Judgment Day hasn’t happened how would I know?”
Bone: “Could you program a bunch of terminators to turn levers that work turbines in power plants, like that superhero does in that School House Rock video, and solve the energy crisis?”
John: “What? Huh? Where are you coming up with this crap? Shouldn’t you be asking me about what each person could be doing to help us avoid Judgment Day?”
Bone: “I’ll ask the questions around here, mister. Now, if say you have to go back in time later and, ah you’re dating this hot futuristic chick, but when you went back in time, and she is just a baby; would it be weird if you had to change her diaper? And if you had sex with her mom, because she was super hot in the past, would it freak you out when she is like sixty–five in the future and all nasty looking? And would you tell your girlfriend that you slept with her mom?”
John: “You’re an idiot. No wonder my mother punched you. Now I should really let everyone know about this certain Terminator weakness we discovered-”
Bone: “Yeah, yeah, and that lawsuit with Sarah is still pending. So if they made a super hot terminator chick, would you sleep with her?”
John: (Smiling) “I’ve already done that, man.”
Bone: “Nice, high five! Now let’s get back to the whole beer issue. Oh wait…Shit here comes you mom! I have to go. Oh no, she has that sling shot and it’s filled with cholla!”
I barely escaped and even as it was, due to certain well targeted missiles, I was forced to type this whole interview while standing up. So to sum up, after Judgment Day, there well be less beer, but the chicks will be easy. Thank you for visiting the Discord’s Science Department.