Zombie Fiction Author Michael D. Griffiths is Discovered to be a Zombie Himself.
Collapsing Shack Arizona: In a story stranger that even the fiction his dark twisted mind could imagine, Zombie fiction author Michael D. Griffiths has admitted to being a zombie. This has not only shocked his four loyal fans, but has sky-rocketed his Eternal Aftermath book sales to the point where he might be able to pay of his advance by the end of the year.
I caught up with MDG while he was finishing off other patron’s abandoned drinks inside the Zane Grey room in Flagstaff Arizona. AB: “So Mr. Griffiths, when did you first realize you were a zombie?”
MDG: “I had been drinking a lot and wasn’t quiet feeling myself or like a young Bill Murry, meets Spagitti Western Clint Eastwood, meets McReady, you know that cool guy from John Carpenter’s The Thing, which is what I usually feel like. Then I was a little broke after trying to buy my way into Zano’s exclusive Star Trek theme party and didn’t have enough cash to get a sloppy burger, so I ate this hippy’s brain. It was so good, I ate the rest of him and what I couldn’t finish I took home for sandwiches.”
“Has being a zombie been rough on you?”
“Yes, mostly with my love life. I keep trying to eat my wife, but not in the way she likes. She has told me that she will be staying with her mother, ‘until I grow out of this.’”
AB: “Has becoming a zombie helped you with your writing?”
MDG: “Yes and no. I can see into the lives of my villains better, but last week I ate one of my publishers. So it looks like Entrails, Palin Clones, and Aliens won’t be coming out for a while.”
AB: “I think our readers will be upset if I don’t ask you why you think you’re a zombie. For instance, zombies rarely talk, and their fiction is pretty boring. Might you have just become a cannibal, perhaps?”
MDG: “Would I be dressed like this if I wasn’t a zombie? I mean come on. Old t-shirts and dirty jeans, I’m a professional after all. Also I haven’t bathed for several weeks now. That must mean I’m a zombie. I also have been getting this strange desire to watch fox news.”
AB: “Oh fox news… sorry I doubted you. Thanks for the interview and be sure to rush out and grab Mr. Griffiths’ newest zombie novel, Eternal Aftermath. Hey. Let go of my arm. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!”
Note: Mr. Bone has not returned to the Discord Center Tower since he emailed us this story and is currently missing. We assume he is okay. After all the guy did blow up Pluto.