Aliens Set to Invade Earth but Decide it isn’t Worth the Bother
Collapsing shack Arizona: After traveling over 300 light years and listening to the same songs 10,000,000,000 times, the invasion force from the planet Gloom 666 has turned around and decided to head back home.
When asked why they made the choice to return to their world without invading ours, their Admiral Wigaling had this to say. “First off this place smells. Normally we go in and steal resources, but there are barely enough here to bother. We like stealing cultures as well, but again… once we saw what you had to offer, it was another big, why bother. And don’t even get me started on your women… I’ve seen less entitlement from the twin princesses of Mollun 5.”
When I pointed out the huge tracks of virgin forest in Alaska and other wondrous natural resources we still had, he looked at me like I was insane and said, “What is the matter with you? You act like you want to be attacked and have your existence completely destroyed. Are you an idiot or something? I feel like attacking your planet just so I can kill your dumb ass.”
For some reason the United Nations expelled me from the conference after that. But I think we have all learned a valuable lesson here. There is an upside to environmental destruction. Yes, just like how I avoid identify theft by having an identity no one would want, we are now protecting our lifestyles by making our Earth so useless that domination conquest will pass us right by. I might even have to vote Republican next election.