Discord CEO Moves All Reporters into a 1957 Winnebago
Rest Area outside of Bullhead City: In a effort to cut expenses and help fund his second home in Bermuda, The Daily Discord’s CEO Pierce Winslow has moved his entire reporting staff into the old Winnebago his grandmother left him. This would mean that no less than a dozen reporters, six children, eight significant others, eleven cats, four dogs, twenty-six snakes, a full bar with keggerator, an eight foot statue of Yig and, seventeen cubic feet of crawdads traps will be required to fit within a space roughly the size of Winslow’s guest bathroom.
When we tried to reach Winslow for an interview, we were told we worked for him and he refused to allow us into his office. However I did hear him bragging to his secretary’s assistant through the door. “I had to figure out some use for that old hunk of junk. I mean come on, I have four or five top of the line RVs, that thing was becoming quite the eyesore in my fall home in the Hamptons.”
Undaunted by the requirements, the Discord team set themselves to task. Step one was attaching the statue of Yig to the roof. “We’ll be like pirates,” Alex Bone said until driving under a bridge sent the thing flying into a police car.
“Look on the bright side,” Zano said. “With Dave Astels in jail, we’ll all have more room.”
The women, however, appeared less pleased. After pulling out enough hair to let Bald Tony look like a member of Metallica, Cokie had this to say, “So all the women are allowed just a few feet to share and oh, big surprise, it’s in the kitchen. I’ve already heard enough of, well since you are there Cokie, you might as well make us twenty sandwiches, a few pizzas, and pour us each two beers.”
I spoke with Mr. Ballz from where he sat bitch on a couch full of six people, with two small children, a dog, and three cats on his lap. “I’ve had worse.”
“The worst thing,” Zano added, “Is that since we’re all in the same place, Winslow figured he could cut our expense accounts because we would all be eating together, which means after buying beer, gas, smokables, and flea powder, we, as a group, have a food budget of 1.21$ a day.”
Alex Bone has trying to subsidize the food supply by laying out his crawdad traps each night, but when he got arrested for stealing butter, the reporters took a hard hit.
“But at least we have more room,” Zano said. “That tall freak took up as much room as all the dogs put together.”
What does the future hold for the Discord crew? Only time will tell. But as long as they can spange enough money to get the rear axle fixed, they is no limit to where they could be reporting from…as long as you maybe let them park in your front yard and if they could use your shower that would be really cool…Oh yeah, and do you have Wifi? This article needs to be sent to Winslow A.S.A.P. or we won’t get our next food allowance.