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Depression or not enough Wilderness in my Punk

Depression’s got a hold of Me

Depression, I got to break Free

Depression’s got a hold of Me

Depression’s gonna kill Me

Black Flag




Ergg, yeah sorry. Not the greatest title for getting people to dive into a post. Either you aren’t depressed so you don’t feel like being brought down, or you are depressed and don’t want to malinger on it. Still, guess what, it’s a situation which hits us all and I sure as hell won’t be discussing it while I’m in a good mood, so I should do it now and here I go.


I have worked in mental health for a few decades, so I know many of the paradigms and catch phrase out there. “You’re in charge of your own emotions. No one can make you feel bad but yourself…etc.” I could summarize other’s finding, but if you have read even a single post I’ve done you know that won’t be the case.


People that say you are 100% in charge of your own emotions are usually spoiled well off folks with advanced degrees living in suburbia or a gentrified city. Tell people in the middle east that have lived through years of bombing and lost loved ones that they just need to get a better attitude and I’ll throw up. My point is exterior situations can be stressors. Hell, they can pound of you, sometimes even cripple us. So I’m not 100% buying that we can completely control our own mindset. Or if maybe we can, some people have situations which could make it dozens if not hundreds of times harder.




I bring this to set the stage for the two types of depression I feel hit most people and these are Internal and External.


With Internal, sometimes it’s ourselves who become our worst enemy. This type of Depression is often a chemical imbalance, so it isn’t easy for the person to control. If your brain is not processing correctly, medications can often help. This isn’t to say shame, guilt, and self-loathing can’t be learned behaviors or the consequences of negative experiences had deeply scar a person’s self-worth.


The other type of Depression, External, is less likely to be chemical imbalance or something medications can help with. External is when the ills of life hit you hard. Usually people can handle an obstacle or two, but if they start to pile up, things grow harder. Turning in against yourself is a different feeling than having others turn against you. We all have a certain right to rail on ourselves, but that’s quite different than having someone else put us down or actively try to destroy parts of our lives.


Anger can be the first reaction, but if the problem can’t be solved with ease and help/hopelessness sets in, then the anger sinks into Depression.


So I’m going to leave the Internal to the pros, grab your meds Providers and make those pharmacies happy. I will, however, delve deeper into Exterior Depression. No, you don’t have an imbalance in your skull, and there was no horrid childhood leaving you traumatized. Instead you’re as normal as, well people can get, but the boogie man has come to call. Like Leatherface showing up at the family picnic, random chaos, entropy, and humanic bullshit is blasted at you.


I’m thinking I just experienced perhaps one of the worst weeks of in my life for a lot of reasons and I was arrested in Mexico once. Okay, that week was worse, but I possess more lingering issues this time.


So blah, it happens to everyone. You can yap about it, but if you don’t want it, what do you do to get rid of it?


Being out here listening to the Coyotes sure as Yig helps. I think the real trick is to draw away. Exist in a place not dominated by people and thoughts. Find a free area (TAZ) to have for your own. Use your body to be a creature of action and test yourself. If that doesn’t work, wait until night, stare at the stars for a minute, take a deep breath and say, “fuck this imaginary bullshit I’m taking so seriously.”




I’m an animal, like any other on this planet. I can walk through the desert and I can sleep in the cold. I have traveled far and seen many things. Above all, people just do what they want. Life isn’t hard to understand when it comes to humans. They are just an army of chaos, each blitzkrieging toward imagined needs.


Think of things that bother you and your friends. How many of these issues even existed a 100 years ago. If the situation is more of an archetype such as a troubled marriage, or nasty job, how much of the methods we use deal with such situations has changed? I’m sure that people in 1816 thought they were being very progressive, but many of the things they did would land you in jail now.




Times sway with the flow of humanic perceived wants. God is dead, let’s replace him with laws because our endless spew of chaos will determine what is right, well for now, the gospel of today becomes a game show chuckle tomorrow.


Like, my anger, I think this has passed. I will return to the world of man/woman tomorrow cleansed and determined. In the end, life is simple. Just try your best. CKA and all that. I gotta kill a mosquito and set up my pallet. Signing off from Camp 1





We got through Anger and Depression, things are looking up so swing back by in a few days.





Grab some Skinjumper-Punk here and help support your friendly WildernessPunker





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