Michaeldgriffiths's Blog
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Aug
01

Sure, you might believe there has been collusion between the Trump Campaign and Russia. Trump’s lawyer and Putin have admitted it, but since facts are not as important as emotions, opinions, and faith, let’s go over why we can be sure this never took place just because so many do not want it to have occurred.

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The Top Ten Reasons there has been no Collusion with Russia

 

  1. Because Putin told Trump there wasn’t.
  2. Trump can’t spell Collusion.
  3. Because Putin hated Clinton after her constantly insulting him while she was Secretary of State, so since he hated her so much, he wouldn’t do anything so obviously self-serving.
  4. Trump is totally different than a dictator ruining his country to gain personal wealth.
  5. Trump would have been totally okay with not being number one.
  6. The ultra-rich always play fair and never take advantage of others.
  7. He’d be so good at collusion, he would have gotten 100% of the vote instead of losing by over 3 million.
  8. Why would Trump want to befriend the richest man in the world?
  9. Only people who have a lot to gain would collude.
  10. Donald is too perfect to ever need anyone’s help.

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Jul
30

Genre:  Science Fictionjurassic-world-poster

Produced By:  Universal Pictures

Released: 2018

Reviewer Rating:  4 Stars

Reviewer:  Michael D. Griffiths

 

 

 

 

Universal Pictures released Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom this summer and it steps up to fill some of the blockbuster void this year. Yes, you heard me, so far, I think this summer been a little light in the blockbuster department. If you were to discount movie francizes, we would have had almost nothing. And, of course, Jurassic World is a francize, but it is nice to see something other than Star Wars and hero movies all summer.

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This movie takes place a few years after the last one left off. Like the first time a Jurassic Park was destroyed, the island has been reclaimed by the manmade dinosaurs. However, much like how many of the dinosaurs must have perished in those ancient days, our new beasts are about to go extinct when the volcano in the center of their island erupts. So how do you top a world full of dinosaurs… by having the heroes need to fight off lava too.

Yet there are more issues Chris and friends have to deal with this time for not only are the colossal creatures out to get them, but so are the colossal rich. Earlier on, our humans find they have been used and were only invited along to help the hunters capture Blue, the trained raptor from the last movie. So our small numbered heroes need to face off against soldiers, dinosaurs, and a gathering of ultra-rich international villains who seek to use these ‘rescued’ dinosaurs for all sorts of nefarious deeds.

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JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM

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This movie remained beyond action packed so if you like tumbles, turns, and dodging the teeth of death, lava, and bullets with almost impossible feats you will have much to enjoy with this one. Downside might be them trying to top themselves and keep the story going without being its own cliché. Is there a new super dino…yes. Are ever worse people hurting and trying to make money of the dinos…yes. Are kids about to get eaten unless some brave adults rescue them…yes. So yep, dinosaurs, action, and fun are to be had, but do not expect too much of a novel experience.

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Still, if you are looking for this type of thing, and why would you expect different from this movie, it delivers what you would expect. They at a few new twists, turns, and dangers. They also set things up for perhaps and even better sequel and yeah, I be going to see it.

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Jul
22

Sometimes you just have to toss a guy a few bones. If you shift through enough horror, you can find the bright side in almost anything. So Trumpelstiltskin here are a few bones, but watch out, they might have dynamite duct tapped to them.

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  1. No president has ever been as honest… about selling out the country to promote his own self interests.
  2. Trump has proved every 80s Punk Rock song correct.
  3. He’s allowed us to gage the percentage of US citizens who act without common sense and humanity. (See 1 in 3 here for more info)
  4. We now know the longer you wear your tie, the bigger an evil asshole you are.
  5. Bones hot chicks even if he has to pay for it.
  6. He’s the best at colluding.
  7. Thinks incest would be best.
  8. The dark lords of Hell have never been happier.
  9. The average citizen has never felt so superior to an elected official.
  10. Comedians will be making fun of him for the next 100 years, if he doesn’t kill us all.

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Jul
13

Sometimes, with our current presidency, we get so busy trying to keep up with how Trump is acting out Putin’s orders to destroy the country and plunge it into a dark chaos, we miss out on many of the less published events which occur on the sidelines. Yet fear not, for Back Page News is designed to make sure you don’t fall behind.

This Monday President Trump announced he had replaced the Bald Eagle as the National Symbol with a chicken. He is reported saying, “I like chicken, especially when it comes in a bucket.”

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The counsel of the World’s Absolute Dictators or W.A.D. sited Trump as a justification for their lifelong terms. Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud the king of Saudi Arabia was quoted saying, “I may enforce a Fascist Religious Dictatorship, but at least I’m consistent about it. With the USA one year they are rational and make sense, but then a few years later they have jumped aboard the crazy train. No one should have to be yanked back and forth like this, I’m sure my citizens enjoy their consistent abuse and lack of rights. At least they know where they stand which in their case is under a mountain of cloth, at their assigned jobs, or in jail.”

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In an effort to keep football players from taking a knee during the National Anthem, President Trump has replaced all the NFL’s playing fields with swimming pools. We’ve been told the rest of football’s rules will remain the same.

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On Wednesday, Costa Rica renamed itself the United Sections of America just to piss Trump off. Dozens of rednecks to become hospitalized after witnessing the Costa Ricans chanting USA.

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This Thursday. Trump banned the game Risk. When Hasbro asked for the reasoning behind this decision, Sarah Hukaluggee Sanders said, “The president refuses to allow any game on the market which doesn’t have the USA winning every time.”

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On Friday, Trump changed Independence Day from the 4th of July to the day of his inauguration. He reviewed his reason for doing so in a press conference by stating, “I’m pretty sure the world didn’t exist before I was born, so this seems right.”

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Alex of the Gods

Jul
11

deadpool.jpg

Genre:  Super Hero

Produced by:  Disney

Released: 2018

Reviewer Rating:  4.5 Stars

Reviewer:  Michael D. Griffiths

 

 

 

Deadpool, is the name of the movie, the name of the main character, and both are damn funny. Without a doubt this is not only the funniest action movie of any genre I have seen in a long while, but this movie also packs more laughs than about 75% of the comedies I see.

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Deadpool runs into trouble and feels low, although this just makes his comedy even darker. After some soul searching, he decided to join the X-men, but even though this does not work out, it exposes him to his chance for redemption. This involves saving a young mutant, who is about to become a supervillain unless Deadpool can keep him from taking his first life.

The action tries to catch up with the comedy and does a great job. This movie is just plan fun. Deadpool often addresses the audience, with gives the movie an honest feel and probably has a chance to educate some of the viewers out there. Deadpool’s team of mutants, which he gathers from scratch, is awesome and some of the guest characters make things a lot of fun.

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Deadpool grows a little as a character, unless he is lying through the whole thing. But seriously, he does find a vein of purpose and more than a dash of hero and tries to fan those embers. You can not help but route for the guy even if he does seem to acquire a lot of collateral damage to humans along the way.

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This is just a fun enjoyable movie. Maybe it is not too serious, perhaps a bit childish, but why do we see movies anyway? The reason this one did not get the full 5 Stars was I found the motivation for the redemption a little weak, the whole back story felt like just a device to drag Deadpool along, so he did not just stay home and drink. Still, I am glad it did for it was a fun ride.

If you like hero movies, go see this and if you like comedies, you might be surprised to find a super hero movie will be the funniest movie you see this summer.

 

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Jul
06

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  1. He had sex with a prostitute right after his wife gave birth.

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  1. He loves to scare and torture children.
  2. Never goes to church.
  3. Cares about money more than anything else.
  4. Grabs them by the pussy.
  5. Hates thy neighbor.
  6. Lies and cheats whenever possible.
  7. Wants to destroy the earth for profit.
  8. Wants to have sex with his daughter.

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10. Wait a second, Trump is God.

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Jun
28

Genre:  Fantasy

Publisher:  Xlibris

Published: 2016

Reviewer Rating:  3 Stars

Reviewer:  Michael D. Griffiths

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Oars of Olympus by Christopher Mac Lairn

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Oars of Olympus by Christopher Mac Lairn is a fantasy novel set in mythological Greece. The author mixes in history and facts, but this is more like Clash of the Titans than 300, which in case you were wondering, is a good thing. Falkron is a Celt who is exploring the Mediterranean in an age of Gods and monsters. He vaguely follows Theseus path, but in this world, Theseus existed and had already experienced his adventures. Like Theseus, Falkron has Poseidon as a patron.

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Early in the novel, Hades challenges Poseidon to a game and Poseidon chose Falkron as his hero. This means Falkron is going to be heading into trouble and facing everything Hades can throw his way in order to win the game with his brother.

I enjoyed how the author keeps things true to the older Greek myths and is not afraid to make the monsters fantastic as well as powerful. Falkron is a likeable hero and he really is a hero. His exploits would only have been topped by Hercules and Odysseus if he went up against the heroes of the Greek Mythos.

Falkron meets stalwart friends, get’s pleasure from the fairer sex, and drinks gallons of wine every night he’s not involved with combat.

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Downsides of this one includes the down times in the novel. At times it seemed like some game master showing off the city he made. “You know there is a library, you want to go check it out?” A book has to be spot on for me to care enough to explore a city in such detail. Things got repetitive with how awesome Falkron is. Falkrom has sex with the prettiest prostitute. Falkron beat the big guy in wrestling. Falkron can hold his breath for six minutes while he fights a giant squid. Also, although some of the fights were inspired, there was no real plot. Falkron just travels around some and weird things happen. If he stays in the same place, weird things happen. The end of the book is one last battle in some respect no different than his first battle. There were also some cheeky parts, which again if you are a huge writer you could get away with, but I do think we are there yet.

As stated, this book regains a lot of its credit by doing its best to recreate its own version of a traditional Greek Myth and in this respect, it does a good job. If he just had a back story and a climax, it could have really shined.

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Jun
26

Genre:  Superhero

Producer:  Disney

Released: 2018

Reviewer Rating:  4.5

Reviewer:  Michael D. Griffiths

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What can I say, I had to see this one. The Avengers was my favorite comic as a child. I really enjoyed what the team could pull off over the years. I love existence ending conflicts, so this was a must for me. I also need to check in on how Captain Anarchy is doing… opps America.

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But this movie had so many crossovers, it was hard to keep track. Teenaged Spiderman and the Guardians of the Galaxy are high on this list, but Doctor Strange flexes some serious power, perhaps the most of any of them. But my favorite Avengers are Cap, Scarlet Witch, and Vision.  The latter two play a huge rule in the movie, but again who doesn’t. Damn, if they had only asked the X-Men for help, things would have gone so different…

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Just in case you haven’t heard. There are six infinity stones. Thanos is looking for all six. If one were to gather all six, they have power over the universe. He feels if he kills half the universe it will cut down on the overpopulation problem. You can not argue with his logic, but it will also be the biggest mass slaying in the history of existence.

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The plot is simple. Thanos wants the stones, and everybody they can get, is out to stop him and hopefully save the universe. Let the show rock into action and it does. I should draw the line here. This is a great idea for a movie. I like it when they take things up a hundred notches. Sometimes seeing powerful beings fight for the whole universe, is just a great thing to witness. Writers who can challenge heroes of this stature deserve an extra credit. Many can write low fantasy, but earth ending apocalypse action which leaves such powerful figures struggling, this takes much more talent.

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Downsides with this one. How easy the heroes give up the stones would leave the writers of 24 cringing. The methods of acquiring them almost seemed to be an afterthought. Thanos is tough, but almost not tough enough in relationship to what he possesses.

Giving this one a 4.5 Stars. I just love fiction with so many characters and having them all in one place is coolness off the meter. If you like Marvel even a little, this is a must view.

Oh one more thing, screw Thanos!

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Jun
24

Genre:  Science Fiction Movie

Produced By: Disney

Released: 2018

Reviewer Rating: 4 Stars

Reviewer:  Michael D. Griffiths

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Solo A Star Wars Story

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I managed to get to my first summer blockbuster. I parked my car in a scrap of shade and rushed through the growing desert heat into the air conditioning. I got into the theater first and sat in the perfect seat.

I was happy this would be a stand-alone tale with a few tips of the hat to our old friend Han. Alden Ehrenreich, who played Han Solo, must have watched the old films well, for he got a lot of the mannerisms right. The writers and Ron Howard also did a great job keeping the Solo dialog consistent, which I appreciated.

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The plot revolves around Han Solo falling into the criminal world in order raise enough money to rescue his childhood girlfriend, only to discover she needs no rescuing from anything other than the underworld he himself will soon owe.

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Woody Harrelson delivers as usual and is one of the high points in the film. We also discover how Han became friends with Chewbacca and Lando, well with Lando, friend might be stretching it.

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Much as in the first released Star Wars film, Han has a choice between money and self-preservation or making a commitment to a higher morale standard. There is also an old Han Solo controversy driven home if you are quick enough to catch it.

This movie was enjoyable and will probably be a crown pleaser, but a few downsides snuck in with me. First, I know it’s a story, but really, his girlfriend trapped on a lonely loser world, and with the whole universe to explore, finds herself a high-ranking member of the crime cartel he is dealing with. Yeah, well I guess unrated events colliding in a universe with multiple planets still has to be about a one in a billion chance, but you can forgive the improbability because he does not have to waste screen time rescuing her, I guess. I also thought how he met Chewbacca was a little uninspired.

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Beside these downsides, if you love Star Wars this should give you a few smiles. They also gave a bit of a nod to Lovecraft with one of their beasts. One needs to watch out when exploring the deep reaches of space, you could run into an Old One.

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solo and chewy

Jun
22

Gathering the Top Ten Slogans Rejected by X-Box was a long a difficult process, but when the pale faced employees couldn’t figure out how to light their firewall, because they’d never gone camping, and kept trying to get the matches to work by clicking on them, we were able to sneak around them by surrounding ourselves with women all the men were too sacred to talk to. Once inside we had one of the IT guys give us everything we wanted in exchange for letting him take a selfie with Brittany.

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  1. Doing our part to lower teenaged pregnancies
  2. Making all races as nerdy as white teenagers
  3. Helping make fodder for the wealthiest .1
  4. Objectifying fake women to the point where men are do busy to objectify real women
  5. We teach your kids to kill so you don’t have to
  6. Your electricity bill might be up but think of all the money your saving on food, clothes, and toothpaste
  7. We’re almost better than drugs
  8. Now you can stare at a rectangle even longer
  9. It’s now easier than ever to ignore your children
  10. Your kids may be a hundred pounds overweight, but no generation had ever had stronger thumbs

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Dak was a loner until he met his lover. But there is a problem, Erin is a Clone. Clones are illegal and it’s Dak job as Enforcer to hunt them Down.

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